Death and Strawberry
by Zeph-sensei
Summary: A retelling of the end of the Winter War arc. What would happen if our favourite shinigami was just a bit more straightforward with his feelings? Would things have been better? What would happen? Maybe not what you think, or maybe exactly what you think. Read to find out. One sided IchiHime and fullblown IchiRuki. Rated T to be safe.


**Hey guys, it's Zeph. Good news, I'm not dead. I believe it's been quite sometime since I've published anything and I must say, I've missed writing. The reason I couldn't write much was an amalmagation of personal reasons and the situation never lining up in my favour. I was struggling to finish this one off, and I finally managed to a while back. Sorry if the continuity of the style of writing breaks in the ending, I just wanted to get this one done with. That being said, I think it still turned out pretty good. Leave a review and like it if you think I should do more IchiRuki or if you have any suggestion at all.**

It was a murky and lonely night. Darkness had spread from the wings of night in an uncanny manner, suddenly taking over the throne of the sky, that was revered when in light. The moon shone with all its might, having contently sapped at the Sun's essence. The moon rays were welcomed on the streets, by the passengers who travelled at ungodly hours. They were welcomed by the houses of countless people in the town of Karakura. However, one of those houses, a room to be particular and Ichigo Kurosaki's room to be precise, didn't take well to the invasion of light into the ethereal darkness, that the owner had come to crave.

It had been almost an year since he had last smiled. A long and excruciatingly painful year. He was almost foreign to the concept of joy now. The ex-Shinigami was but a shadow of his former self, his eyes had lost their lustrous chocolate hue, and were now of a dull grey sheen. His usually muscular physique was all but gone, a lanky and weak one was left in its stead. He never smiled, but that didn't mean his ever present scowl was still there, all it meant was that all forms of emotions were buried, and a lifeless look was plastered on his face.

His legs were sprawled upon the floor, with his back resting up against the concrete wall behind him. Instinctively, he pulled one of his legs in, placing his elbow over it. He stared at the dark abyss that was his room. His shallow breathing the only sound that was audible. He was, in layman's terms, tired. Tired of being unable to protect the ones he cared about, tired of the never ending pain that had taken residence in his heart. Tired of being a powerless and weak man. Tired of not being able to to see her.

As his train of thoughts continued, a low guttural sound caused his ears to perk up. Focusing, he was able to figure out the source of the roar that had piqued his interest. However, once the realisation hit him, the hole in his chest magnified, and he felt another portion of his sanity slip through his hands.

"Another hollow" he croaked out, in a raspy and unused voice.

His eyes scrunched close, as he was hit with a wave of nostalgia. The reminiscing of his long buried memories, caused a sharp headache. Enduring the pain, he bit his lip, causing it to bleed. The metallic and salty taste of blood graced his tongue, as he proceeded to lick it away. His breathing turned ragged and heavy, as he traced back how he ended up in such a pitiable state. As he did so, he could hear his friends reaching up to the hollow.

* * *

 _"Chad! Take it from the front. I'll provide backup from behind. Orihime! Give us protection, this one's atleast an adjuchas" Uryuu's voice yelled. The group nodded before taking their respective positions and commencing the battle._

 _"Kurosaki" Ishida started, folding his hands over his chest. "Are you okay?" He asked, with perhaps his most caring voice. He couldn't stand the state in which Ichigo was after all. He could see Ichigo's eyes widen slightly at the sudden show of care, however they soon returned to their monotone hue. That was when the ex-Shinigami croaked out._

 _"I'm alright."_

 _Uryuu knew he wasn't alright. He looked like he hadn't eaten in weeks. He had lost every bit of himself. Slowly, day after day. Yet, he knew, that you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped._

* * *

"Santen Kesshun I reject" Orihime screamed out, casting a shield on Chad to help shield his from the relentless lashes of the hollow. Uryuu took this opportunity to barrage the hollow with his arrows.

* * *

 _"Kurosaki-kun!" Orihime's sweet voice pierced the air, making the Shinigami Substitute flinch. He was on his way home, after school had ended._

 _"What is it?" He asked, with an unusually emotionless tone._

 _"Actually... I was hoping you could come with me to the fair. It's been setup and I've heard it's really good. We can talk while we eat crépes." She blurted out, while looking at the floor, unable to make eye contact with the man in front of her. He sighed before speaking._

 _"Sorry, Inoue" He started, "I'm busy today." He replied, curtly standing up and making his way towards his house. Orihime opened her mouth to reschedule but his cold eyes froze her. She never could've imagined that the eyes that she stared into, those dead orbs, could belong to the man she loved._

* * *

"El Diablo!" Chad bellowed, severing the hollows mask and finishing it off for good.

* * *

 _"Ichigo. You don't seem very good. Is something wrong?" Chad asked, while walking home with the orange head._

 _"It's nothing." Ichigo replied, brushing off the Fullbringer, and quickening his pace. Chad couldn't help but feel a pang in his heart. He stopped, gazing at the disappearing silhouette of the Ex-Shinigami. His best friend, the man who had helped all those years back, the one who he had been through so much with, had left him behind._

* * *

Another hollow down. Another day of being powerless. Another day wasted. Another day without her

Soon after the aforementioned realisation, his mind played the last track of the record he had been listening to everyday. It was surprisingly much more vivid and realistic than his prior recollections. It also just happened to be the most painful memory he ever had, transcending even the memory of his mother's death.

 **Flashback Start**

 _His eyes fluttered open, as they were suspect to a bright light. Unable to bear it, he closed his eyes, groaning as he did so. He could hear, a few snubbed gasps and the shuffling of feet. A few moments later, when his chocolate eyes were adjusted to the rays of light, he opened them, only to find them being greeted by amethyst ones. He pushed himself up simultaneously pushing away the tight knot forming in his stomach. He quickly scanned the place he was in, taking in the location and the people nearby. As it turns out, he had collapsed after that last Getsuga, and was brought to his room by the current occupants besides him. Chad was standing next to Uryuu, who had his arms folded across his chest. Inoue was standing besides Rukia, clearly stressed out and worried. Rukia seemed to be the worse out of all of them, her hair a disheveled mess and her brows knit together with worry. The fragile silence that had come about was broken by her._

 _"Ichigo, your body is going through the second stage of reiatsu loss." She said, the corners of her eyes slightly tearing up, betraying her upbringing at the Kuchiki household. It was then that Ichigo decided to take a good look at the others._

 _"Soon, all your remaining reiatsu will disappear." She continued. The expression, that was the amalmagation of the sadness of his loss, pity for his loss, and fear that by his loss, something bad would happen, was clearly etched on his friends. However, Rukia's eyes were different. They seemed to be more pain than anything else. Ichigo was never one to be pitied, so he quickly dismissed those looks with a simple reassurance._

 _"Is that right? I figured" Ichigo started, only for his breath to hitch as his eyes lowered. Gathering his resolve, he continued._

 _"I figured it wouldn't be long now."_

 _He flashed a smile to help seal the act he just put on. Uryuu adjusted his spectacles, perhaps acknowledging the carrot top's importance and at the same time showing that he cared. Orihime was never one who could hide her pain, and yet again her eyes teared up as she chose to look away. Chad couldn't help biting his lip to keep the frustration at bay._

 _"Could you guys go out for a sec, I need to talk to Rukia." Ichigo managed to blurt out, his eyes boring into Rukias._

 _The others nodded their heads as they moved out of the room. However, they felt the need to stay outside the door. After all, they too were his friends. They too wanted to try and share his pain. They wanted to, but perhaps they never could._

 _"Ichigo" Rukia started, her eyes slightly tearing up. "This isn't the end, you know that right?"_

 _"It may be for me. I may be a bit dumb but I know that soul society will probably give you a new mission. Then, you'll have to move to a new place. With all your duties as vice captain, chances are, we're not gonna meet again." Ichigo replied, his eyes dull and sullen. As the gravity of the situation was laid out clearly, the weight on Rukia's heart was increased tenfold._

 _"I'm a selfish guy. I don't want to lose you." Ichigo added, his eyes tearing up._

 _"Strawberry, you know I wouldn't let them have their way right?" Rukia replied, a small smile adorning her lips._

 _Ichigo stood up on his legs, stumbling at first. Rukia's hands instinctively held onto his, helping him stabilise his stance. Ichigo slowly removed his hands from her own and embraced her. He then breathed in her scent, giving himself a dose of the aphrodisiac he had come to love. She returned the gesture by clinging on to his frame._

 _"Rukia, I've always wanted to tell you" Ichigo started, unsure of how to approach the subject. Rukia looked up into his eyes, giving him the reassurance to continue._

 _The carrot top couldn't hold it in anymore. His tears began running free, as his eyes scrunched close. His frame, which was always so reliant, was now a shaking mess. Rukia couldn't bear it either as her own tears flowed down her white skin. Ichigo would've loved to stay in her embrace for a longer period, to be able to gather himself completely before saying goodbye, but their time together was limited. So through stifled tears, and with a shaky voice he said what his heart had longed to declare._

 _"I love you, Rukia Kuchiki"_

 _Rukia's eyes widened upon hearing this. The man she had come to love, loved her back. On any other day, this would be a reason for celebration, but she knew it wasn't this day. How could it be? It's hard enough to forget someone you love, painful enough to let them go but to ask of someone to forget someone who they loved, and who loved them back was surely too much. Her heart felt like it would burst. Her mind was hazy but she made sure to voice out the one thought that mattered._

 _"I love you too, Ichigo Kurosaki"_

 _The reply had caught Ichigo off guard, more so cause he knew he couldn't do anything about it. And so once again, the red ribbon that bound them together was stretched. Stretched far apart by reality and cruelty. Through all of this, their time together had elapsed. Ichigo was rendered useless as he watched Rukia's body fade away. His frustration and anger had hit their limit and he let them out by yelling out her name repeatedly. The ones outside, the eavesdropping comrades, shed their own tears upon seeing the hero of the winter war, undergo a mental barrage._

 **Flashback End**

Ichigo wasn't living for nothing, or perhaps now he was. He had originally thought it would be alright, that she'd visit him. He reached his hand out in the darkness, hoping that his special someone would take it. When faced with the despair of no comfort, his hand dropped dead onto the floor. It was then that he finally came to terms with the reality of his situation. Rukia wasn't coming back, no matter how hard he would cry or suffer. He couldn't do anything anymore, it was the price he had to pay for her life and the lives of the other Shinigami.

If Rukia wasn't going to be with him, he might as well be dead. With that expression, came the thought of ending it all. However, this time he didn't resist. This time he didn't struggle against it. This time, he decided it was for the better. After all, he'd get to see her on the other side. Even if he didn't, it was a fate far better than not being able to live without her. So with these thoughts in mind, he pulled himself up and started making his way out of the house. Quickly disregarding his sister's and dad's protests, he was able to step out of the house. He dashed towards the one place, he knew would be perfect.

Most people didn't know this, but Ichigo loved tragedies. He was always encapsulated by the idea of being helpless and nothing working out. However, his current situation was nothing short of a tragedy, and his illusion of an affinity for them had long faded away. Yet, a part of him still loved the idea, and perhaps that part ruled over for that differential second. For the place he had chosen, was none other than the riverside where he had lost his mother.

He lay down on the grass, as quietly as he could. Slowly, he reached into his pocket and took out the blade that he had taken from the kitchen. He heaved a big sigh before readying the blade against his wrist. He grit his teeth to embrace the pain, and in one swift motion, slit his wrists. The blood flowed undaunted, staining the grass with its crimson hue. Ichigo closed his eyes, and let the tendrils of darkness, take him to the one he loved.


End file.
